Only In My L.A.

Today, my friend called us Chanukahs. She said, “Oh, the guy who came over and put up my drapes was a Chanukah, just like you.”

I didn’t take it personal though. Anything goes in L.A. It’s all kosher.

Overheard at the Whole Foods in Brentwood the night before Thanksgiving by a gay man in a huff:

“Are these seriously my butter options?  Where’s my cultured European butter?”

We sure are demanding all right.  Us Angelenos want it right here right now.  Even when it comes to our cultured European butter.

Ahhh, my Los Angeles. Only in My LA will two people (one of them being me) have a conversation for a good 5 minutes about whether or not Hawaii is a state. “I’m almost positive it’s a commonwealth like Puerto Rico.” “Yeah, that sounds about right.”

Guess we were just off in LaLa Land (literally) during Geography class.  Surely you understand.

I saw this sign promoting a flower store on my way home from work today that said “Get Your Sexy Artificial Flowers”.

“Sexy” artificial flowers? I’m sorry? Come again?

It was the perfect “only in my LA” moment. I mean seriously, are you ever going to see that sign anywhere else in the whole entire world? Nope. Only in my LA.

Us Angelenos have officially taken the obsession with all things sexy to the next level. Our little five year old girls run around with their fake purses having fake relationships with their 3rd grade boyfriends and talking on their cell phones. “He’s a lot older, so I don’t have to deal with all the BS, you know what I mean? I just don’t have the patience for that anymore.”

Not everything has to be sexy Los Angeles. It’s okay if the flowers are not sexy. Really.

Could artificial flowers be any less sexy anyway? Maybe if they were real, they might have a natural appeal that could maybe be construed as some sort of unintended sexiness, but fake dusty waxed cloth things doubling as bounty from our Earth? Not so much.

Think it through carefully my LA. If we keep overusing the term “sexy”, it could begin to lose its meaning. Remember what happened to has-beens like “rad”, “bitchen” & “dude”? We don’t want a repeat of those fiascos. Like, “sexy”, like totally can’t go out like that.