Only In My L.A.

The Republic ain’t no AREA. Now that’s a club.

The Republic should change its name to RepubliCAN’T. Because I CAN’T do it. Ever again. It’s not, and let’s get this straight once and for all, anywhere near Area’s level in terms of good Hollywood clubs. It’s sloppy seconds. On a ‘feeling generous’ day.

The Republic is basically where you go when you can’t get into Area. It’s the obvious choice when you’ve already paid the $20 valet parking fee at Area and for one reason or another the annoying bouncer girl who’s everywhere these days won’t let you in. There’s no better idea than to run across La Cienega and pop into The Republic, right?

WRONG.

The Republic, (and I’m not talking about the Dominican), is a total waste of time. “I wish I had four thumbs, so I could give it four thumbs down!!” (Sorry; the Dave Chapelle-isms still live on in my mind, even if he did turn crazy and run away to Africa.)

I can’t put my finger exactly on why The Republic is so bad either. But let’s try:

1. No cute boys.
2. Not even any cute girls to get inspirational future club outfit ideas from.
3. The music is bad. “Trying to be old school but instead just old” bad.
4. It’s pitch dark upstairs, but still light enough to see that the man hitting on you isn’t cute in any way, shape or form.
5. There’s a teeny tiny opening in the roof downstairs, so people think they’re “outside” and thus able to smoke.
6. The bathrooms are unisex. Which takes away our private girl time to primp and discuss. We have meetings in the ladies’ room, guys. Duh. It’s not just a song you know. We have important decisions to make on the fly. “Is he cute? Or am I just ti’sy?” We simply don’t have time for interruptions if we want to cover every topic on the agenda.

So there you have it. Reasons why The Republic is on my list of “I’ll never go there again”, right in between Chapter 8 (a bad club far far far deep into the Valley), and Jean Pierre. Once is more than enough. And if you’re ever in Area and your friends want to “try someplace new for a sec across the street”, don’t do it. Hold on to the bar at Area and make them drag you kicking & screaming.  Learn from my mistakes.   Knowledge is power.